Tuesday, October 12, 2010

How low is rock-bottom?

Spiraling downwards can be calmingly frightening especially since I'd never been to rock bottom before. It's approach is a dark place whose cranky walls bear the eyes of all the world, cold and shrouded in mystery. Eons away the sunlight smirks at how 'light' belongs only to him. Life laughs at me. Tears burn youthful skin and I cringe with vulnerability. In between quiet sobs I try to meditate. Time becomes relative to a new state of numbness. The mind vilifies the heart with freezing truth as I asphyxiate in mid air. I become a victim of my own introspection. Such bitterness brings with it the acrid taste of a cheated potential. Suddenly I stop. A flickering light, resurfacing hope...is that what I saw? I run breathlessly past the mountain of despair, through the tunnel of ruin, tripping over self-respect as I ache to catch that falling star. Blood, sweat and tears share my pool of melancholy. I'm lost again. "Keep walking" my mind says, "there's a sign up ahead." Death and its inebriated friend were waiting for me next to a sign that said "Welcome to NOWHERE". My knees give way but my legs are relentless. Somewhere in my subconscious I still feel like a gunner.I'v eaten my words for dinner, so I'm speechless now. I'm also alone. My mind is chaotic with its cacophony of thoughts amidst this ear-splitting silence. I haven't seen color in days now. This black abyss is my abode. Does anyone even know I'm here? I wonder...The walls have ears but turn deaf to my pleas. Mercy shows no sign of return nor does verve. At least there's music. I'm listening to 'the blues'. I'm drenched in misery as gloom vibes with obscurity. Stark naked, I attempt to drape my shadow over my shoulders. I fall faster. It's an exhausting pace to breathe at. I await animation...I smell ashes...far away, hopefully that phoenix will rise.